By Bilal danoun
One of the biggest mistakes singles make when looking for marriage is confusing intensity with sincerity.
Someone comes into your life and everything moves incredibly quickly. Within days or weeks, they seem deeply attached. They tell you they have never met anyone like you. They speak about marriage, children and your future together before they have really had time to know you.
It can feel romantic. It can even feel like a match decreed from above the heavens.
But sometimes, what looks like an extraordinary connection is simply love-bombing, emotional dependency, unresolved wounds or an unhealthy attachment pattern.
So don't only ask:
“Do they want to marry me?”
Ask:
“Who are they when the excitement settles?”
Before agreeing to marriage, slow things down enough to observe:
Do their words consistently match their actions?
How do they react when you say no?
How do they handle disagreement, disappointment and boundaries?
Do they respect your family and your wali, or do they try to isolate you from people who may question the relationship?
Are they genuinely interested in discovering who you are, or have they already created an idealised version of you in their mind?
Do they take responsibility for previous relationship failures, or is every former spouse, fiancé or potential partner supposedly the problem?
And perhaps most importantly:
Are you assessing their character or are you being swept away by how they make you feel?
The Prophet ﷺ taught us:
“If there comes to you one whose religion and character you are pleased with, then marry him.”
(Tirmidhi)
Notice the emphasis on religion and character.
Character takes time to observe.
Anyone can be charming for a few weeks.
Marriage exposes what courtship can hide.
Don’t rush because someone is rushing you.
Don’t ignore red flags because you fear losing them.
And don’t mistake emotional intensity for compatibility.
Take your time. Ask questions. Involve trustworthy people. Investigate. Observe.
You are not simply choosing someone to marry.
You are choosing the person you may have to live with when the honeymoon feelings are long gone.
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