Assalaamu Alaykum Wa Rahmatullaahi Wa Barakaatuh
اللهم صل على محمد وآل محمد
Bila bergaduh dengan suami- jangan share dengan orang dulu, share dengan Allah dulu.
A very common mistake made by people who are having trouble with their spouses is that they share it with too many people. Talking about it with friends and people who appear to sympathise with you is not always a good idea. By doing so you expose yourself during a time of vulnerability and the consequences of that aren't usually good.
When going through a tough time with a spouse, the very first thing we need to do is turn to Allah; complain to Him (not about Him and do not'blame' Him) and beg of His assistance. Pour your heart out before your Lord who is all Capable and Powerful and Who can bring about changes. Then remember to keep the circle as small as possible; only share your troubles with those who have sound Islamic knowledge and who you really believe can offer you good advice and keep things completely confidential.
There are issues with sharing problems with 'friends' and others you may feel are sympathetic. First of all, you may be guilty of backbiting your spouse as when people are upset they say things they often regret afterwards and often times mention things about the other party they should not be mentioning. Those you are speaking to may not be wise at all and give you 'advice' that does more harm than good, even if they mean well. Sometimes the people you speak to lose respect for you because they really don't understand the situation. Also, people are not always what you think they are. Subhanallah, when you share such sensitive things with them, they may end up with bad intentions toward you and they may very well share what you have told them with others.
From observing many cases, I can say with full confidence that keeping the circle as small as possible is the best and safest and most intelligent route to take. Don't let your emotions get the best of you, make wise decisions and seek advice in the right places. Most importantly, be close to Allah and turn to Him all the time.
Shaykh Younus Kathrada
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